Decorative Pillows

Decorative PillowsBoy, have I been waiting a long time to get into this subject. Nobody ever warned me… no father, no brother, no friend, no priest, no doctor, no mortician, and no lawyer. Excuse me if I missed your profession. I am mad. LOL

Marriage is a good thing. Children are good thing. Good is a good thing. But kids grow up and mommy isn’t as busy as she used to be. Kids clothing and needs leave no room for individual expression. More time for hair and decorative pillows.

I never knew they existed. Now there is nowhere to sit down and just be a guy without sitting on one of those damn things. Doesn’t let my butt get fully on the seat, chair, cushion, bench, sofa, or bed!

If you dare to move it you get “the look”! So you quickly put it back into place and say you have something else to do…. Been there? LOL.

The problem is that every store carries them. It is Home Goods, Marshall’s, and TJMaxx that seem to get them in the millions from every corner of the planet. By ship and truck they find their distribution channels and we guys are screwed. The art and color abound. Prices are perfect that getting a few extra won’t be noticed on the credit card. If you have guests over the decorative pillows can be moved around to give the portrait of newness and stimulate home fashion discussions.

Then I open my closet and what do I see?? LOL.

I wish my book 1-800-Laughing-Out-Loud was set up for pictures. Then you all would be sending me notes of condolence.

I was told you can’t put a decorative pillow on a Lazy-Boy??

Now get this!… I made up some t-shirts with the “ban” sign and “Decorative Pillows”. My grandkids “got it” and thought it was the funniest thing ever. They wore them to school and received accolades from everyone but the teachers. Their classmates admired their courage… LOL.

Maybe HGTV will let me do a show, salted with male testimonials.

I already have pillow manufacturers lined up for commercial time.

The manufacturers say decorative pillows do not contribute to global warming or racial tension.

Do you know how rich they are?? LOL


Chris Bent, former Navy SEAL UDT-21, is the author of 12 books and founder of the Navy SEALs For Christ. Written in short chapters, Chris Bent’s wit and humor tackle some serious, and not so serious, subjects and will have you laughing out loud, and sometimes wondering if you should be laughing at all…..

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